There is a photo from 2012 - it is the year after our daughter, Mercy Joan, died and it it summertime - my sister's wedding.

I'm pregnant, again, and it is a bright August day. The wedding and reception are outdoors and I'm there with little Magnus (he's almost three) and we are dancing.

As I look at the photos, then and now, I think, "I'm happy. I'm just really happy."

And the realization surprises me. Joy can be like that, coming in like a change in the weather.

I'd spent so many inching days, heavy and slow in my grief.

Which makes me think of the holidays, of grief and joy, and the importance of letting it all be.

Let It Be
I recently heard the story behind this iconic Beatles song.

Paul McCartney, the author, lost his mom when he was just 14. She came to him in a dream, with reassurance and this powerful line - "It's going to be OK...just let it be."

There are a lot of things I like about the song (especially that electric guitar riff/solo).

But I'm thinking/writing about it this Thanksgiving as a reminder to remain open to whatever emotions might come, especially if this is a year marked by loss or big emotions.

You might feel sad, overwhelmed, angry. All of that makes sense.

But the holiday might also find you feeling happy, content, or held.

You joy, your happiness - it is not a betrayal of your loved one or of the moment.

It is a seed of hope - a reminder that there can be more than loss. And, if it comes to you, gather up your joy with open arms.

Someone you know is having a hard Thanksgiving
Maybe you are reading and thinking, that isn't me - I've had a pretty good year.

And, if that is the case, I'm happy with you! What a grateful thing.

But this is your annual reminder - someone out there is having a hard year and your care matters.

I had coffee this morning with a friend whose father-in-law is in hospice. This will be the last Thanksgiving for my great-aunt. Others are marking divorces or disappointment.

This video gives you some tips on how to show care (it's easier than you think - send an email or a test saying something like, "I'm thinking of you in this first Thanksgiving without your dad)

Quote of the Week
“Micro joys are how we survive macro grief.”
Glo Atanmo

Book Recommendation

Reading fiction is one of the best ways to boost your empathy - there is nothing like immersing yourself in another world or way of being.

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver is a page-turner (and a Pulitzer prize winner) that will keep you turning the pages as you journey to southern Appalachia and into the opioid epidemic.

Kingsolver is a gifted story-teller who writes with searing insight.

demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver