The true work of gratitude begins the day after…

Holidays are unwieldy, grinding days for the grieving. And this year is riddled with pain: tens-of-thousands dead, lost jobs and crumpled dreams, ruined relationships, murdered Black bodies. So much loss. We were not made to bear this alone. Take a moment to consider who you know that has encountered loss. Write down their names. Then, reach out with a text or a call. Drop off a plate of food.

On the dangers of ignoring your indicator lights... Last week, I was in the middle lane of the highway, cruising at 75 mph, when my wheel began to shudder. I quickly changed lanes and was able to (barely) make it to a Speedway gas station.

Fix-It Frank kills connection at home, at work...everywhere.

Let me give you an example from earlier this week.

November 2020 is hard…and there are harder days to come with winter and COVID and deep societal divides. But let us also embrace hope as we talk, as we plan, and as we dream.

What are you doing, as a company, to purposefully reflect and recalibrate as you close out 2020? It is important to acknowledge both the losses of 2020 as well as the hope and vision that will carry your organization into 2021.

Leaders, today is a good day to check in with your people. Because some of them are still riding a wave of joy and relief, of exultation at the first woman (a Black and South Asian woman!) elected on an executive ticket. After four years of tension in the body and spirit, they are (probably) feeling relief and hope.

Day of the Dead and All Saints Day feel particularly resonant this year. They are a day to hold sadness, remembering all who died: John Lewis and Sean Connery and my neighbor’s dad. And it isn’t just people who died this year. Dreams have died. Relationships have died. One of my favorite local, farm-to-table eateries died.

Now is the time to remind your people of how they can access the EAP program. The next few months will be tough. Flu (and COVID) season is ramping up, election results will probably be a protracted mess, and the holidays will remind us of how much has changed/been lost in 2020. All of this takes a mental toll; your people need all the support they can get!

SNL's stinging "5-Hour Empathy" skit nailed a pervasive dynamic...

Empathy training seems nice and sounds good...for somebody else.

Whether it is a divorce or a COIVD diagnosis or a miscarriage, we often find ourselves at a loss for words when we're confronted with someone else's pain.

Empathy is the essential leadership skill of 2020. Empathy is the ability to honor and respond to the pain of another person, the capacity to let that person know that they are seen and heard and that they are not alone.

When this sort of intentional care occurs, it has a profoundly positive effect on businesses, communities, and families. And yet, empathy is a skill that is often under-appreciated and even unpracticed, especially from top leadership.

“Individuals with a higher sense of power experience less compassion and distress when confronted with another’s suffering.” This was the conclusion of an illuminating study by psychologist Gerben A. van Kleef and colleagues in Psychological Science. What does this mean? It means that as you rise in influence, your perception of others will (could) become skewed.

Last week, Luke and I traveled to Phoenix for some personal as well as marriage counseling. Because this year has been hard...and that hardness only piles on top of all the previous years of acquired resentments, bad patterns etc. Taking time away, getting professional help from someone you trust, and making time to move purposefully towards health is so important.

Last night, Former First Lady Michelle Obama emphasized the importance of empathy. Seeing life from the perspective of The Other. It IS what we (should) be teaching our children. It IS essential for human flourishing. Remember: the pain of exclusion when your experience was overlooked or marginalized. Remember: the deep feeling of safety when you were welcomed with resonance and care. Empathy matters.

I was eating an omelet when I noticed that her hair looked different. “Did you cut your hair?” I asked my seven year old. Yes. She did. Lopped off a chunk in the front. “It was sticking up so much and bothering me; so I just decided to cut it.” …

Shame is a crappy motivator. Shame can get you short-term results, but in the long term, it demeans your people and undercuts your authority. Communicating boundaries and expectations (no pigs in the briefing packet!) with trust shows confident, caring leadership.

Cultivating gratitude is a survival tactic during COVID-19. Research demonstrates that gratitude correlates to improved relationships and mental health (which we all need right now!). And gratitude is going to be one of the first things to go when you are stressed out. I’ve had to work at this. Because there is a lot of overwhelm and irritation in the mix…

Maybe you’ve seen people posting sentiments like, “Adversity introduces a person to themselves.” There is a nugget of insight here, BUT, this sentiment could steer you wrong...because you are not your truest self when you are stressed out…

How is it going with all of those unruly emotions that you’re trying to control/suppress? Perhaps you have been pushing past the sadness, the anger, the irritation. After all, there are children to be fed and deadlines to meet and other people have it so much worse than you. Let me invite you to stop comparing and compartmentalizing your churning emotional world. The worst grief is always YOUR grief…