"We create suffering for ourselves.  Instead of looking at your loved one, your child, and focusing on all of the things that are wrong with them, what if you looked at the things you are grateful for?" 

Take a moment to reflect – what is a message from your childhood that shaped who you are now?
Do you have it in mind, the way it made you feel at the time?
Now ask, is this message still serving/helping me?  What else could be true?

What doesn't kill you...almost did!
How to stop promising positive outcomes and become really helpful

Loss and disruption don't fit into tidy categories.  How can you structure your policies to make space for the messy, unexpected nature of loss? 

When people are living through disruptive life events, there are all kinds of ways to deal with the stress and strain.
One person might welcome gestures of support as they take their child for leukemia treatments while another might value anonymity as they muddle through a messy divorce.

Recent research from CEB Global showed that 60% of managers fail in their first two years.  
Over the course of our next few newsletters, I'm going to be sharing tips for leaders/managers to help support your people when they need it most.

Work is busy, plagued by the tyranny of the immediate, and it is easy for our best intentions to get lost.  One of the things that I love about this story is that the leader of the firm took time to offer a meaningful gesture of care.

Undoubtedly, you also have people at work, in your neighborhood, in your family, who will scrape against Mother’s Day. Who can you reach out to this week?  It doesn’t have to be fancy or perfect. 

This is not sustainable.  We (and every created thing) function best in rhythms of rest and productivity.  We deprive ourselves of true rest by never truly disconnecting from work.

We should stop asking about people’s reproductive roadmap, especially in work-place settings. 
Don’t ask when someone is going to start a family, when they are going to have more children, or even when they are going to become a grandparent (i.e. when are your kids going to start having kids?).

You simply do not know what journey the individual is on…and you could put them in an awkward situation. 
And if they do invite you into that space of conversation, proceed with great awareness and care.   

Where can you (and I) embrace the slow-and-patient today?

Remember, empathy begins at home.  Consider the golden rule:  love your neighbor as you love yourself.  If you are not growing in empathy and care for the disruptive, orphaned parts of your own story, it will be difficult to (sustainably) show up with care and support for those you care about at work and in life.

Let me invite you to stop comparing and compartmentalizing your churning emotional world.  Comparative grief is a dead-end street. The worst grief is always the YOUR grief.

Who you are today isn't who you have to be tomorrow.  Growth is hard and beautiful and worth it.  Greet the new versions of yourself with a kiss and be willing to part ways with what no longer serves you.  What would you say to a younger version of yourself?

Whether it is reaching quarterly goals, implementing new payment software, or facing the final semester of high school before your child goes off to college, may you feel (and co-create) confidence and competence to face the uncertainty ahead.

Remember, progress over perfection every time.  Don’t be a Self-Loathing Sally or an Avoidant Andy.  Instead, when you realize the gap between who you want to be and your actions, move into the gap with meaningful actions and communication.

Showing up for people doesn’t always feel easy.  While creating cultures of care at work, in friendships, at home, there are moments where you’d rather not.  Not write that text or come back early.  Not lean in and listen or show up.

Anniversaries are not just dates on a calendar, they are written in and on our bodies.  Maybe you also mark anniversaries with a bodily manifestation.  Or perhaps you feel particularly disembodied around times of remembering.

These Cheer-Up Cheryls have a gift of positivity and are usually driven by connection; they care about the other person and desperately want to make things “better”.

But they end up sounding tone-deaf and forcing the other person to either put up a happy facade or to shut down into silence. 

Many of you know me from a stage or a conference room, where I appear professional and talk easily about empathy and human-centric skills.  But in today’s newsletter, I want to give you a snapshot of a younger, desperate and grieving Liesel.