If you want to build sustainable cultures of care, you need to learn kindness towards those pieces/versions of yourself that you are *currently* meeting with disdain or dread.

Showing up for others means showing up in a way that matters to them…and this sometimes involves setting aside your ego.

“No, I think it is just as likely that this year, my marriage will fall apart, one of my children will get scabies and another will get sick and die of leukemia.”
 
I remember spitting those words out in late December, answering a well-meaning friend who asked me what I was hoping for in the coming year and if I really believed that God had good things in store for me.

It happens on the sidelines of lacrosse games or standing in line at the grocery:  a seemingly innocent conversation starter from a new friend, perfect stranger, or casual acquaintance.
 
“And how many children do you have?”
 
How to answer?  As a parent of a dead child, I teeter on the edge of my response. 

I was back in the bedroom when I heard the breaking:  ceramic crashed against the tile.  I knew in a moment:  it was one of the birds. 

In the grey and grinding months after our daughter, Mercy Joan, died, my mother gave me a set of seven ceramic birds.  “A reminder that you will always be a family of seven.”  I displayed them on our mantle…poignant, a little cheesy, and unfortunately vulnerable to the daily antics of Magnus.
 
I heaved myself into the hallway, emotion rising, and found a stunned Magnus, frozen in horror over the wreckage of the birds. 

I can remember the first Mother's Day after my daughter, Mercy Joan, died.  Everything inside of me felt out of step with the holiday. 

You can use emotional mirroring to build connection at work. Many people feel uncertain of how to respond when someone is experiencing strong emotions. “What do I do?” or “What do I say?” When another person is feeling mad/sad/hurt/overwhelmed/happy, they want to know that you “see” them. This is where emotional mirroring helps.

I was at a networking event this month. The peppy emcee bubbled over in a welcome, telling us to promote the event and chirping, "Remember, positive vibes only!" I think she was well-intentioned...but the remark was tone-deaf. Because, over coffee, I had already talked to a woman whose brother was just killed and another whose long-term relationship had foundered. And that was just in the first 5 minutes!

Great keynote session this afternoon! Cheers to organizations like the Wellness Council of Indiana, talking about all the things that matter right now in the lives of employees: sessions on mental wellness, trauma, loneliness, empathy. I love where we are headed: towards more connected, human workplaces.

Some great ways to cultivate your empathetic imagination include….
1) Reading books by authors from different worldviews/cultures/experiences
2) Pausing while watching a show to ask, “I wonder why they are feeling/doing that?”
3) Ask (often), “What else might be going on right now to make this person act the way that they are acting?”. Engage the question with compassion and imagination.

Join me at the Wellness Council of Indiana Summit on August 12. My session is "From Me to We: How to Cultivate Empathy and Promote Mental Well-Being". The content is more important than ever. Last year, 26 million Americans went untreated for mental health issues, isolation was rampant as we all sheltered in place, and anxiety was a consistent companion.

Father’s Day is this Sunday (June 20). And there is (probably) someone in your life that is going to have a hard holiday.