When the day feels like a wound - Mothers Day sent

A sugary-sweet email landed in my Inbox this week, titled "A Mother's love never fails"...

Really?  I thought of the neglected children-turned grown-ups who read that title, feeling it as a gut-punch:  the adults still grappling with their mother's cruelty or her addiction.  

Because the truth is, Mothers Day can be complicated. 

And, in case you were wondering (and because my mom reads these emails), I'm not talking about my mother.  She is a really good mom, but all mothers show up, sometimes, in our messy failings, in moments that aren't transcendently loving and nurturing that defy the story that greeting card companies (are they still a thing?) and the Hallmark Channel want to sell.

It's complicated...
So, consider this is your annual reminder to check in on your people -

The ones who feel the day like a wound. They are...

- Missing the child who died
- Struggling with one miscarriage after another
- In a complicated relationship with their own mother, who seems to relentlessly cause them pain
- Coping with children that no longer call
- Wishing their mother was still around

Your outreach doesn't have to be perfect (there aren't magic words for grief anyways)

What to say
It can sound like this:

- "I'm thinking of you today; I know it's a hard one"
- "She would be proud to know the person you are today"
- "I know today could be heavy - I'm wish I could have known her"

What to do
-  Ask them about the person they lost - "what was their name?" "what is a happy memory you share with them?"
-  Be willing to sit in the silence; your presence is powerful
-  Ask, "is there anything that you loved to do with them that would be fun for you?"
-  Send a meal or a DoorDash card - even the grieving need to eat
-  Send a text or a card; it you are at a loss for words, check out some of the prompts above 
*some of my favorite cards are from Em+Friends