So, don't be surprised when grief sideswipes you - we live in a world that carries miracles and terror...and that grief, that ache, is a testament to love and to hope.  

You miss them because you loved.  You ache because you hope for a day when things are put to right.

Some very brief tips when their loss triggers yours...

How you care for your employees (and clients) during disruptive life events matters.

The company lost a lot that day - a promising new hire (whose moving expenses they'd already paid), all the work of the recruitment team, and they suffered a huge blow to their reputation as a place that puts people first.

Not to mention the new, added cost of having to find + hire her replacement.

All because one manager wasn't skilled at empathy and connection.

A sugary-sweet email landed in my Inbox this week, titled "A Mother's love never fails"...

Really?  I thought of the neglected children-turned grown-ups who read that title, feeling it as a gut-punch:  the adults still grappling with their mother's cruelty or her addiction.  

Because the truth is, Mothers Day can be complicated. 

Empathy PTO is a great example of a policy that makes values manifest.  Thinking creatively, Monique and her team provided a category of PTO that could be used with flexibility, allowing employees to take the time they needed during seasons of disruption.

“Don’t get distracted from what matters most”.

Which was another way of asking us, both personally and organizationally  – what are you for? 

I’m making a list and putting it somewhere that I see often – what do I want to be marked by?  When people spend time with me, in person or in virtual space, what do I want their energetic imprint to be?

One of the answers that consistently emerges, for me, is hope.

Helping, in the moment, does not mean that we never address the behavior of the skill-deficit - it means that we, as leaders, are clear-eyed enough to know that, when someone's brain is in a moment of overwhelm, they aren't able to learn or absorb new information.

The smartest organizations know the power of documenting their processes so they are replicable, equitable, and aren't dependent on just one person.

But we haven't applied that degree of intention (or documentation) for how we care for people during the inevitable, disruptive life events that will occur.

Empathy shouldn't be the only "leg" that governmental or company policies stand on, but it certainly deserves a seat at the table.

Not a bug - but something that can bring out our best.

Especially at work, this can be difficult for managers and coworkers to navigate.  Which leads them to avoid conversations about disruptive life events entirely.

Try utilizing this helpful question -"What is a good next step for you right now?"

This question can move someone into their generative mind:  yes, these things have happened to me and they are crappy...but what is within my power?

It also keeps you (the listener) from slipping into the Fix-It Frank empathy avatar - telling the person going through a hard time what they need to do, which can lead to conversational shut-down.

I was reminded, through the eyes and story of Abdurrahman, that some of the best of who we are-and-can-be as people is to be people who are kind, who create opportunities for others, who extend a welcome and reach out with care.

Whether that is to a stranger, to a coworker, or to a person that lives in your home - each movement of kindness matters and helps to co-create communities that we all want to be a part of.

This was the year of the break-up, the death, or the deep loneliness - and today is a reminder of the disruptive life events and the world that is not-how-you-want-it-to-be.

I hope you have some good people around you, ones that can look up from their own plans or chocolates to give you a hug, a coffee, or just a listening ear.

And while we can’t, ultimately, know who we would be until we are in the moment, I know that empathy and kindness and courage don’t emerge from a vacuum. These traits are forged (or not) in a hundred small moments.

Moments where it would be easier to turn away, to just keep going in the other direction or onwards with the task instead of caring for the person.