How to plan for connection - practical tips for communicating care
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What do you see in the image above?
A duck?
A rabbit?
Perhaps (now that I've tipped my hand) you see both.
Isn't that the way of life? Two things can be true/present at the same time - and it is our intention/perspective that determines what we focus on.
I've been thinking, this week, about where I direct my attention and how that shapes my reality.
Let me give you a personal example - summer break has begun, which, on the one hand, is wonderful. I love my four children and it is a delight to have them home and enjoying the slower pace of summer.
I feel grateful and abundant...until I don't.
Because my children, like all other children, are a mix of delight and trouble. Sometimes, they bicker over stupid things. Or get really whiny about how bored they are, or leave remnants of every. single. thing. they. ate. all over the kitchen.
And, before I know it, those annoyances are all that I am noticing: the rooms that are messy, the laundry that is tossed all around the living room, the wet towel is on the floor. It seems like everywhere I look, there is carelessness and chaos.
Which can leave me feeling consistently overwhelmed and angry towards the four children that I love and live with.
Choosing to see
Your coworkers are not family members, but this same cycle of overwhelm and negativity can happen at work. We find ourselves hyper-aware of all that is going wrong, keeping mental tallies of all the ways that coworkers and clients are dropping the ball.
Or, when that mental accounting becomes too exhausting, we go numb, merely going through the motions of to-do lists.
There is a better way.
This week, I've been enjoying the book, The Power of Mattering by Zach Mercurio. Mercurio advocates for greater awareness at work - and a purposeful practice that lets people know that they matter/contribute to the greater good.
"Noticing" is the first of his three steps of awareness and it has me considering some really practical ways to train my attention towards seeing (and acknowledging) the good in those around me.
Practical Tips
1). Choose a theme for the day - something like, "today, I want to notice someone being helpful, or collaborative or creative."
State and/or write down your intention - you will be much more likely to see these traits if you are looking for them!
2). Make it a daily, scheduled practice to "notice the good"
This can be as simple as a five minute break at lunchtime where you pause to reflect on is going well in your day.
3). In meetings, ask teammates what they noticed that went well. This builds team awareness and a shared focus on what is working.
4). When you notice someone doing something good - tell them. This can be a text or a verbal affirmation. "I saw you practice a ton of patience in that tough client conversation."
How I'm putting this into practice
This newsletter feels more immediate than most. In times of change where the news cycle is tumultuous, I find myself noticing all the things that aren't working - all the ways that I wish the world and those around me were different.
That negative churn saps my energy and makes me less available to others. It leaves me short-tempered and critical. And, if I don't purposefully disrupt the cycle, those patterns just reinforce themselves.
These suggestions are helping me and I hope they help you too. And, to delve more deeply into the topic of mattering at work, check out Zach's book!
Book Recommendation
I first crossed paths with Dr. Zach Mercurio when we were both keynoting a conference in Wisconsin a few years ago. And I've followed his incisive, actionable work on mattering at work ever since.
My copy of his book is already heavily underlined. Here are just a few of the interesting, relevant data points
The percentage of people who consider themselves lonely increased from 46% in 2018 to 58% in 2021
People who are lonely are three times more likely to have low job satisfaction and much more likely to have mental and physical health issues
65% of workers say they feel under-appreciated
Mercurio maintains that "the leader's craft is people" and that letting people know that they matter at work is a key to unlocking flourishing. Check it out below.