But I didn't get ay flowers....

I was a guest on their podcast - it was a good conversation with a colleague that I enjoy.  End of story.

Until I saw on LinkedIn, a few weeks later, a gushing post from another recent guest on the show.  That expert received a bunch of gorgeous flowers from the host as a thank you.

And, all I could think, in that moment, was, "But, I didn't get any flowers..."

Letting that stuff go
The feeling came...and I let it go.  Because I know how things work in the world of business.  Some relationships are a higher priority - they warrant flowers and attention.

And, to survive in the world, there are a dozen moments a week where I need to acknowledge the clamor of my ego or my hurt feelings and choose to move on.  Getting stuck in drama/slights isn't good for my inner world or for my business.

Besides, I don't know the whole story - better to let it go. (a statement which, I fully realize, is a bit ironic, considering I'm writing about it in a newsletter)

Support during hard times - optics matter  
But, it also made me think about how standardizing care matters, especially during hard times.  Because people are watching.

Let me tell you a client story.

This is a large company, they have people and locations across the US.  

A team member in the Northeast got a devastating breast cancer diagnosis.  She'd been with the group for 20+ years and was well-loved.  The team rallied around her.  There was a fundraising walk, Mealtrains, and lots of updates.

All of this was a wonderful show of support.  

But, another woman at the company got the same diagnosis.  She was a relatively new hire in a different office.  And she didn't get a walk or meals.  She barely got time off to go to her appointments.

And, she was seeing the company updates from the NE office.  She knew that some people were getting great care - it just wasn't her.

The physical pain of cancer was compounded by the emotional/relational pain of being forgotten.

Standardizing care
Creating replicable templates for care is an organizational game-changer.  Most companies rely on a patchwork of episodic support.  Some teams or individuals are big-hearted, gifted organizers that show up with care when it matters most.

But true growth comes from taking those best-practices and making them into standard operating procedures.

What follows is an excerpt from a template that is part of the Handle w/ Care Consulting Empathy@Work Accelerator Online Course checklist for meaningful support to help you standardize care. 

If you'd like to see more (including tips on intermediate and long-term support), check out our course offering 

Immediate Support

Communicate Clearly and With Care

☐ Empathetic acknowledgement: “I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this and I will be here to support you along the way – thanks for trusting me with this!”

☐ Don’t say “take all the time you need.” Instead, let them know how long they can step away: “Don’tcheck your phone or email for the next 72 hours – we will regroup with a conversation then”

☐ Respect their privacy; don’t probe for details unless they volunteer them

☐ Send a card - this is a low-cost gesture of support

☐ Are there other creative gestures of support? Review your empathy inventory and consider what other gestures make sense

☐ Ask if/what you can share with HR

☐ Ask if/what you can share with the team

☐ Be aware of your empathy avatar and avoid tone-deaf comments

Plan for Ongoing Support

☐ Drop a note in your calendar to follow-up with them at 1 week and then 1 month later

☐ If it is a loss that affects a major holiday, drop a note in for later (RO for holidays)

Leverage Company Support

☐ Discuss immediate needs for time off or adjusted hours

☐ Ensure they know about leave policies (e.g., Family and Medical Leave, bereavement, etc.)

☐ Inform them about any Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), counseling services, or health benefits

☐ Offer to help navigate any HR paperwork if needed

Practical Actions on Workflow

☐ Practice how you are going to share with the team – your tone matters, convey communal support (“this is who we are”) and not overwhelm

☐ Look at their immediate tasks – which are time-sensitive? Redistribute those tasks/meetings to other team members

☐ Take meetings off of the calendar that are not necessary